It's come to my attention that none of the shoes in my closet are adequate for the rainy UK. In fact, I do believe they'll all lead to death. Read on:
Flip flops - My toes will freeze, fall off, I'll lose my balance, get hit by a bus, and die.
Tom's shoes - My feet get instantly wet, I get pneumonia, and die.
Cheap fashion boots - Develop a hole in the bottom of my sole within a week, my feet get instantly wet, I get pneumonia, and die.
Wellies - My feet stay nice and dry, but I have to walk around like a prancing dressage horse, my legs get sore, I lose my balance, get hit by a bus, and die.
Ballet flats - See "Tom's shoes" above.
Tennis shoes AKA "Trainers" - I die of shame.
Heels - Are you joking me? Heels on cobbled streets and uneven sidewalks? Walking 3 miles a day? In any case, my toes get cold, circulation gets cut off, heels get caught in cracks, I fall over, get hit by a bus, and die.
Horseback riding boots - I die of shame.
Down booty slippers - Get worn down in a couple days, see "Cheap fashion boots" above.
Which leads me to shoes I don't have, but can buy...
Uggs - I die of shame.
Expensive fashion boots - I spend 3 month's rent on them, my feet stay warm and dry as I die of starvation.
I could ask my boyfriend for new shoes, but he'll then spend 3 month's rent on them, die of starvation, and I have warm feet but die of a broken heart. Or he buys me crappy shoes and I lose a boyfriend.
So what's a girl with no shoes to do? Obviously go shopping with Mom and Dad's credit card. They said it was for emergencies...and my life is on the line!